#013

"EXCUSE ME WAITER, THERE'S A BIRD ON MY BEER."
YOUR BOY PETE'S BEEN RACKING HIS BRAIN THIS MORNING. BLOGGING AIN'T EASY. AFTER A FEW PACES UP AND DOWN THE HALL AND A SHOT OF CABIN SWILL, IT CAME TO ME... THE BIRD GAME.


IT WASN'T THAT LONG AGO, THAT I WAS OUT IN OREGON, POSTING UP AT A POTLUCK IN SOUTHEAST PORTLAND ON A SUNDAY AFTERNOON. (GO FIGURE.) IT WAS HERE THAT I FIRST LEARNED OF THE SOUTHERN TRADITION KNOW AS "BEER-IN-THE-REAR."


I CAN'T PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR TEXAS OR MISSOURI OR ANYWHERE ELSE, AS FAR AS CREATIVE CREDIT IS CONCERNED. I CAN SAY, IT IS RARE WHEN YOU FIND A MORE SUCCULENT BIRD, OR GAME ANIMAL WITH A SKIN SO PERFECTLY CRISPED AS ONE PREPARED IN THIS WAY.

    "7th INNING STRETCH"


THE ABOVE MOUTHWATERING BEAUTY SPENT SOME TIME IN OUR KITCHEN A FEW WEEKS BACK. SHE WAS AN HONORED GUEST.


ALRIGHT, LET'S GET THIS ROAD ON THE SHOW...

BIRD GANG:

1 BIRD, OF GOOD ORIGIN & DESCENT
1 BEER, DEALER'S CHOICE
1 LEMON
1 SHALLOT
1 CLOVE GARLIC
A FEW SPRIGS OF ROSEMARY, PARSLEY & THYME
SALT & PEPPER
A BIT OF FLOUR, FOR GRAVY

I'M STUFFED:
GATHER ALL THE INGREDIENTS. CRACK THE BEER. HALF IS FOR YOU. HALF IS FOR THE BIRD. REMOVE THE ENTIRE TOP WITH A CAN OPENER. ROLL YOUR SLEEVES UP. LET'S GO.


START WITH THE BIRD. IF YOU HAVE A BIRD WITH OFFALS, YOU CAN SET THESE ASIDE FOR YOUR OWN PERSONAL PLEASURE, OR RINSE AND DROP THEM INTO THE BEER. I'LL EXPLAIN THE LATTER IN A MOMENT.


CUT THE LEMON IN HALF. RESERVE ONE HALF FOR SQUEEZERS. USE THE REMAINING HALF TO RUB THE ENTIRE SKIN AND CAVITY OF THE BIRD. NEXT, SEASON THE BIRD, INSIDE AND OUT.


AT THIS POINT, YOU'VE PROBABLY GIVEN YOUR CHICKEN A NAME. IF NOT, NOW'S AS GOOD A TIME AS ANY. YOU CAN ALSO SKIP ALL THIS NONSENSE AND COOK THE GODDAMN BIRD ALREADY.


SET (INSERT THE NAME OF YOUR CHICKEN HERE) ASIDE AND GO BACK TO THE BEER AND THE REST OF IT. MAKE A BUNDLE OF THE HERBS. TIE THEM UP WITH SOME KITCHEN TWINE AND DROP THEM IN THE CAN. PEEL AND ROUGHLY CHOP THE GARLIC AND SHALLOT. ADD THESE TO THE CAN AS WELL. IF YOU DECIDED TO USE THE OFFAL IN THIS RECIPE, TOSS THEM IN THE CAN NOW. (THE BEER, AROMATICS, ETC., COMBINED WITH THE CHICKEN'S NATURAL JUICES, WILL MAKE A FINE GRAVY TO FINISH WITH.


BRING BACK THE BIRD. SET THE OPEN BEER IN A GOOD SIZED PAN. BIRD ON THE CAN, PAN IN THE OVEN. (425 DEGREES. TURN OCCASIONALLY.) MAKE SURE YOU HAVE ENOUGH ROOM IN THE OVEN FOR THE BIRD TO BE FAR ENOUGH AWAY FROM THE WALLS TO AVOID BURNING, AND ENOUGH ROOM TO TURN IT WHILE ROASTING. 


WHEN THE COOKING IS FINISHED, YOU WILL BE LEFT WITH A SMALL BOUNTY OF DRIPPINGS. THESE SHOULD NEVER GO TO WASTE.

NOTE: SOME SOUTHERNERS FIND THAT THE BIRD LIKES TO "DANCE" WHEN IT GETS ON ON THE CAN. WATCH OUT FOR THIS. IT'S EASY TO END UP WITH A COUNTERTOP FULL OF BEER AND CHICKEN JUICE.


FINISHING MOVES:
ONCE THE BIRD IS DONE DOING ITS THING, REMOVE IT FROM THE OVEN. WHEN SHE'S COOL ENOUGH TO HANDLE, SET HER ON A CUTTING BLOCK. NOW THE GRAVY.


BRING THE ROASTING PAN. SET IT ON A BURNER. NOW THE BEER CAN. BE  CAREFUL. IT MAY STILL BE HOT. STRAIN THE REMAINING "LIQUOR" THROUGH A FINE STRAINER, SET ASIDE.


CLEAR THE PAN OF ALL BUT A FEW TABLESPOONS OF FAT. OVER GENTLE HEAT, SLOWLY WHISK IN SOME FLOUR. WHEN A ROUX BEGINS TO FORM, BROWN IT TO YOUR LIKING. NOW, BRING THE CHICKEN LIQUOR. WHISK THIS AND THE ROUX INTO GRAVY. 


MAKING THINGS LIKE GRAVY OR POLENTA IS A DYNAMIC PROCESS. RECIPES ARE GOOD STARTING POINTS, BUT IT IS IMPORTANT TO TRUST YOURSELF IN THE KITCHEN TO KNOW WHEN SOMETHING IS TOO WET OR DRY.  WHEN SOMETHING NEEDS SALT OR A SHOT OF LEMON. IF YOU ARE MAKING GRAVY FOR (YOUR BIRD'S NAME HERE) AND IT'S LOOKING A LITTLE DRY, ADD SOME BEER, OR MORE STOCK. GABISH.? 


I LIKE TO HAVE THIS DISH WITH CRUMBLED POTATOES AND WILTED GREENS. ZESTING A LITTLE LEMON OVER THE PLATE BEFORE SERVING DOESN'T HURT EITHER. YOU COULD EVEN TEAR SOME SOFT HERBS OVER ALL OF IT. WHY NOT.?

BGAAAAAAWWWK!
-PETE