#019

"PINCHE PUTTANESCA!"
LAST NIGHT, MY FRIEND ANTHONY AND I VISITED CHEF WON KIM IN THE OPULENCE OF HIS LINCOLN PARK KITCHEN.

THERE WERE ABOUT 15 OF US TOTAL, IT WAS A LITTLE TIGHT, BUT IT WAS FUN.

WON STARTED THE EVENING WITH A BRIEF TALK ABOUT ALL THE DIFFERENT INGREDIENTS WE WOULD BE WORKING WITH AND TASTING THAT EVENING. THEN HE MOVED ON TO SHOW US HOW TO PREPARE THE MEAL WE WOULD BE SHARING.

WE GOT HOOKED UP WITH A FEW DIFFERENT TASTES OVER THE TWO OR THREE HOURS WE WERE THERE. CHEF HAD A COUPLE OF HOMIES SHUCKIN' BLUE POINT AND KUMOMOTO'S TO GET US STARTED. OYSTERS WERE SERVED WITH 3 ACCOMPANYING SAUCES. THE STANDARD COCKTAIL WITH A LEMON SQUEEZE WAS MY #1 PICK IN THE DRAFT. THE "KITCHEN SINK" MIGNONETTE WASN'T BAD EITHER.

ONCE EVERYBODY GOT A GOOD OYSTER BUZZ GOING, WE MOVED ONTO BIGGER THINGS.

NEXT UP, WON THREW DOWN WITH A QUICK-FIRE FISH FRY. IT WAS LIKE WATCHING A LIGHTNING STORM IN THE KITCHEN. HE HAD THE FISH UP IN 4 MINUTES. WE WOLFED THAT DOWN, SIPPED SOME PAIRED SIZZZURBS, AND IT WAS ONTO THE NEXT ONE.

NOW, I DON'T HAVE THE TIME TO REGALE YOU WITH THE ENTIRE NARRATIVE OF OUR AMAZING EVENING, BASTING IN THE GLORY OF WON'S FOOD. SO, I'M GONNA CUT TO THE PINCHE PUTTANESCA.

OF ALL THE THINGS I SAMPLED WITH WON & CO., LAST NIGHT, THE TASTE THAT LEFT THE GREATEST IMPRESSION ON ME WAS HIS PUTTANESCA SAUCE. SO, I HAVE DECIDED TO SHARE A TAKE ON THE CLASSIC IN THIS HERE BLOGGING.

YOU'RE ACTIN' KINDA' SAUCY TODAY.

THE HISTORY OF PUTTANESCA IS BLURRY. THERE ISN'T MUCH PROOF OR PRINT TO POINT TO AN EXACT TIME OR PLACE. BUT, WHAT WE DO KNOW IS THAT SUGO ALLA PUTTANESCA, LITERALLY TRANSLATES TO "A WHORE'S SAUCE." OOOOKAY. MOVING ON.

MOST RESEARCH STATES THE SAUCE STARTED GAINING STREET CRED BETWEEN THE 1950-60'S. YET, SOME SAY THAT THEY HAVE NONNA'S WHO SWEAR THE DISH GOES BACK MORE THAN 90 YEARS. 

ONE ACCOUNT SAYS THE SAUCE ORIGINATED FROM AN ISCHIAN KITCHEN AT THE HANDS OF SANDRO PETTI, THE CO-OWNER OF RANCIO FELLONE.

SANDRO PETTI

SALUTE SANDRO!!

I'M GONNA GIVE YOU GUYS THIS ONE THE WAY I LIKE TO KEEP MY SAVORY RECIPES. SIMPLE.

SUGO ALLA PUTTANESCA

TOMATO

TOMATO PASTE

OLIVE OIL

GARLIC

ONION

OLIVES

ANCHOVIES

CAPERS

CHILI

HERBS

WHITE WINE(OPTIONAL)

COOKIN' AT THE WHORE HOUSE

*NOTE: WORKING IN THIS WAY IS NOT FOR NOVICE COOKS. IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE PRE-REQUISITES FOR THE ADVANCED CLASS, YOU WILL HAVE TO PASS/TEST OUT OF KITCHEN GEN ED. NINJAS MAY PROCEED TO THE METHOD.

THE METHOD

BRING A STURDY POT. IF YOU HAVE A LE CREUSET OR ONE OF THEM NICE COPPER JOINTS... BALL LIKE ME.

ALRIGHT. GET THE POT ON MEDIUM HEAT. ONCE IT'S GOOD AND HEATED, ADD SOME OIL. NOW THE ONION, GARLIC AND CHILI. SWEAT THIS OUT TIL YOU GET THAT GOOD SOFFRITO GOING. HIGHLY AROMATIC. ALMOST SEDUCTIVE.

NEXT. ANCHOVIES, CAPERS, OLIVES. NOW. WHEN I SHARE A RECIPE IN THIS WAY, AND I START IT OFF WITH A DISCLAIMER TO BEGINNERS... I HOPE THAT YOU ARE NOT READING THIS AND CONSIDERING THROWING ENTIRE OLIVES OR WHOLE HEADS OF GARLIC INTO YOUR SAUCE. THAT BEING SAID, LET'S CONTINUE.

WITH THE ONION AND THE WHAT HAVE YOU IN THE PAN, THINGS SHOULD BE SMELLING PRETTY, PRETTY GOOD. NOW, TOMATO PASTE. I LIKE TO ADD IT AT THIS STAGE SO THAT IT COATS ALL THE DELICIOUS BITS IN THE PAN AND BUILDS EVEN GREATER FLAVOR AS IT CARAMELIZES.

SOOOO. NOW THE TOMATOES. I PREFER SAN MARZANOS. I BUY THEM WHOLE & CANNED, AND CRUSH THEM BY HAND. MAYBE ONE YEAR MARIE AND I WILL GO TO ITALY AND PRESERVE SOME FOR OURSELVES AT THE SOURCE.

MT.VESUVIUS

IF YOU'RE USING WHITE WINE, POP THAT BOTTLE, POUR SOME FOR YOURSELF, DEGLAZE THE TOMATO PASTE AND ALL THE GOODNESS IN THE SAUCE POT, BRING THE CRUSHED TOMATOES, GET EVERYTHING INCORPORATED, BRING IT ALL TO A GENTLE SIMMER AND LET IT GO FOR ABOUT AN HOUR. REMEMBER TO STIR EVERY SO OFTEN TO AVOID BURNING THE BOTTOM.

WHEN THE SAUCE IS DONE, YOU CAN APPLY IT TO A WIDE VARIETY OF DISHES. THIS SUGO IS TRADITIONALLY SERVED ON TOP OF, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, SPAGHETTI.

CIAO.

-PETE

#18

"AND THEN IT CAME TO ME..."
BEEN WAKIN' UP SOMEWHERES BETWEEN THE 4-6 A.M., FOR NO GOOD REASON, FOR OVER THE LAST MONTH NOW. TODAY WAS NO DIFFERENT. 4:30 CAME AROUND THIS MORNING. THE LIGHTS WENT ON. I WAS UP. I SHUFFLED MY BARELY MOVING FEET, TO THE SMOKING PARLOUR -AT THE OTHER END OF OUR ESTATE- AND WATCHED SOME SOCCER REPLAYS. A FAILED ATTEMPT TO LULL MYSELF BACK TO SLEEP WITH THE OCEAN SOUNDS OF BARCA FANS AT CAMP NOU.

DEATH ROW
SO, I'M LAYIN' ACROSS THE CHAISE, IN THE PARLOUR, SLEEPLESS. I'M WATCHIN' MY BOYS ABSOLUTELY CRUSH REAL MADRID... AND THEN IT COMES TO ME...


I OFTEN ASKED COOKS I USED TO WORK WITH, "IF YOU WERE ON DEATH ROW, WHAT WOULD YOUR LAST MEAL BE?" I'D GET A LOTTA, "FRIED CHICKEN... STEAK & POTATOES..." ONE GUY IN PORTLAND, OR., SAID, "I'D ASK FOR SOMETHING LIKE BRAISED WHOLE LEG OF LAMB & POLENTA, OR CASSOULET." HIS REASONING WAS, THE COOKING TIME WOULD BUY HIM AT LEAST A FEW EXTRA HOURS, IF NOT ANOTHER NIGHT. SLICK.


BACK TO ME. SO I'M LAYIN' THERE. I'M REALLY MULLIN' OVER THIS ONE. WHAT WOULD IT BE? I STARTED TO THINK ABOUT THIS MORE DEEPLY...

WHAT'S THE LAST PLATE I WOULD WANT TO LAY EYES ON? SO MANY OF THE REPLIES I GOT OVER THE YEARS WERE MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, POINTING TO COMFORT FOODS. GRANDMA'S THIS, MOM'S HOMEMADE THAT... THANKSGIVING DINNER, IT GOES ON.

THE MORE I THOUGHT ABOUT THIS, THE MORE I BEGAN LEANING TOWARD A VIBRANT PLATE OF BARELY TOUCHED VEGETABLES.

A DECISION WAS MADE...

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

AS A DEATH ROW INMATE, I WOULD CHOOSE TO HAVE MY LAST MEAL BE A VEGETARIAN DISH, PREPARED BY LULA'S, JASON HAMMEL. THE PRESENTATION WOULD COME FROM LE PIGEON AND LITTLE BIRD VETERAN, CHEVONNE BALL. 

PREPARED BY JASON, BECAUSE I REMEMBER THE TIME WHEN WE WERE SERVING CORN PUDDING AS A DINNER SPECIAL... WE DID THE FIRST ONE TOGETHER. HE HUNG A BORAGE FLOWER FROM THE END OF A STRING BEAN TO FINISH THE PLATE AND SAID, "SEE HOW IT LOOKS LIKE A LEAF, HANGING FROM A TREE'S BRANCH..." CRAZY. I WOULD WANT SOMEONE LIKE THAT MAKING THE LAST THING I SAW, OR ATE ON MY WAY OUT.

FOR PRESENTATION'S SAKE

I CALLED ON CHEVONNE FOR DINNER SERVICE BECAUSE I CAN SAY, WITHOUT ANY RESERVE, SHE IS THE FINEST SERVER I HAVE EVER HAD.

THERE'S A SUFI STORY OF A MAN WHO LOVES HEARING ABOUT THE STORY OF THE WINE WHILE HE DRINKS IT, MORE THAN THE DRINKING ITSELF...

CHEVONNE CAN TELL A STORY AT THE TABLE. SHE WON'T JUST STOP AT, "HERE'S YOUR POT AU FEU." IT WOULD ONLY BE ENOUGH IF YOU KNEW HOW MANY DAYS AGO THE CHEF STARTED THE PROCESS OF PREPARING THIS CROCK OF COMFORT, HOW MANY HOURS THE BRAISE TOOK, WHY ALL THE VEGETABLES HAVE SEVEN PERFECT SIDES, WHERE THE TERM "POT AU FEU" COMES FROM.

I WOULD WANT SOMEBODY TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT BEFORE I GO.

LATE.

-PETE

#017

*FOUND THIS ONE IN THE ARCHIVES*


B-REAK, B-READ.


I'VE BEEN KEEPING A SUNDAY TRADITION WITH A FEW FRIENDS HERE IN LOGAN SQUARE FOR A LITTLE OVER A YEAR NOW. EVERY WEEK, WE GET OUR MINDS RIGHT, AND OUR HEARTS OPEN, WITH A BIG BOWL OF SOUP. 


LAST WEEK MARKED THE RESURFACING OF MY ALMOST FAMOUS POTATO LEEK SOUP. THE WIFE IS A HUGE FAN. SO, IT WAS HER GOOD LUCK WHEN WE WERE ASKED TO BRING A VEGETARIAN VERSION OF THE SACRAMENT TO THIS PAST SUNDAY'S SHINDIG...

"POTATO LEEK SOUP, GIVEN FOR YOU."
6 YUKON GOLD POTATOES
3 LEEKS
3 QTS. CREAM
5-6 SPRIGS OF THYME
4-5 CLOVES, GARLIC
1 ONION
2-3 BAY LEAVES
SALT & PEPPER
CREME FRAICHE
CHIVES


A CARPENTER'S TOOLS
BLENDER/FOOD PROCESSOR
CHINOISE/CHEESECLOTH

BEGIN BY POURING THE CREAM INTO A SOUP POT. CHOOSE ONE THAT IS NOT MADE FROM ALUMINUM. CREAM AND ALUMINUM DO NOT YIELD A PLEASANT RESULT. NEXT, PEEL, MEDIUM DICE AND ADD THE POTATOES TO THE CREAM.  
NOW THE LEEKS. CUT THE LEEKS LENGTHWISE, AND THEN CROSSWISE, INTO 1/2" STRIPS. DISCARD THE TAILS. YOU MAY SAVE THE GREEN TOPS FOR ANOTHER DAY IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A WHITE SOUP. IF NOT, GET ALL THE LEEK PIECES INTO A LARGE MIXING BOWL, RINSE AND AGITATE THEM. ONCE THE LEEKS ARE LOOKING CLEAN, LIFT THEM FROM THE WATER TO A STRAINER AND ALLOW THEM TO DRIP DRY FOR A BIT.


WHILE THE LEEKS ARE DRYING, PEEL AND MEDIUM DICE THE ONION. ADD THIS TO THE CREAM AND POTATO. NOW THE GARLIC. PEEL THE CLOVES AND GIVE EACH ONE A GOOD SMASHING WITH THE HEEL OF YOUR PALM. (THIS WILL ACTIVATE MORE OF THE NATURAL OILS IN THE CLOVES.) GO IN WITH THE GARLIC. NOW THE BAY, THYME, SALT AND PEPPER.


BRING THE POT TO THE STOVE. START THE SOUP ON A MEDIUM FLAME, STIRRING OCCASIONALLY, IN ORDER TO AVOID BURNING THE BOTTOM. ONCE THE CREAM COMES TO A SIMMER, ADJUST THE FLAME, COVER THE POT AND ALLOW THE VEG TO COOK UNTIL TENDER.


AT THIS POINT, YOU WILL NEED THE BLENDER OR FOOD PROCESSOR. FIRST, DISCARD THE BAY AND PEPPERCORNS. NEXT, FILL THE VESSEL ABOUT HALF WAY WITH A FAIRLY EQUAL AMOUNT OF THE POTATO, THE CREAM, AND THE REST OF IT. PUREE THE INGREDIENTS UNTIL NICE AND SMOOTH. REPEAT THESE STEPS WITH WHAT'S REMAINING IN THE POT.


WHEN EVERYTHING HAS BEEN PUREED TO A SMOOTH CONSISTENCY, YOU MAY OPT FOR A RUSTIC SERVING, AND GO STRAIGHT TO THE THE BOWL... OR PASS THE SOUP THRU A CHINOISE, LINED WITH A BIT OF CHEESECLOTH. 


LET'S EAT! BRING THE CHIVES AND CREME FRAICHE. CUT THE CHIVES AS YOU LIKE. I PREFER BATONS.


ONCE THE SOUP IS IN A CUP OR BOWL, GARNISH WITH A DOLLOP OF CREME FRAICHE AND A BIT OF CHIVE. I ALSO LIKE TO FINISH WITH FRESHLY CRACKED BLACK PEPPER AND MALDON.


CHEERS.
-PETE

#016

IT'S NOT FOR ME, IT'S FOR MARIE.
THE WIFE HAS A STRONG AFFINITY FOR CHICKEN SALAD SANDOS. EARLIER THIS EVENING, I INDULGED HER CRAVING WITH WHAT MAY BE OUR BEST BATCH TO DATE. RIGHT NOW, WE'RE GONNA TAKE A FEW MINUTES TO BLATHER ABOUT HOW THIS HOLIEST OF HOLY CHICKEN SALADS CAME TO LIFE...

1 CHICKEN, OF QUALITY UPBRINGING
1 BUNCH CELERY
1 BUNCH PARSLEY
1 BAY LEAF
A FEW SPRIGS OF THYME
1 LEMON
FRESH BLACK PEPPERCORNS
SALT
A GENEROUSLY MEASURED PINT OF MAYONAISE


GATHER ALL THE INGREDIENTS. START WITH THE BIRD. IF YOU HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH THE GIBLETS, SET THOSE ASIDE FOR ANOTHER TIME. RINSE THE CAVITY IF NECESSARY. SET THE BIRD IN A GOOD SIZE SOUP OR STOCK POT. COVER WITH COLD WATER. ADD THE BAY, THYME AND A FEW BLACK PEPPERCORNS.


START THE POT ON A MEDIUM FLAME. BRING THE WATER TO A GOOD SIMMER AND COVER. NOW LET'S FOCUS ON THE REST OF THE INGREDIENTS.

START WITH THE CELERY. BEGIN BY CUTTING AWAY THE TOPS AND TAIL. THE TAIL CAN GO IN THE TRASH. SOME PEOPLE USE THE TOPS FOR STOCKS. SOME PEOPLE FIND THE TOPS -ESPECIALLY THE LEAFY PARTS- IMPART A BITTER QUALITY AND DISCARD THEM. UP TO YOU. 


NOW, WASH AND THEN PEEL THE FIBROUS EXTERIOR OF THE REMAINING RIBS. ONCE ALL THE CELERY IS PEELED, ROUGHLY CHOP AND THROW A COUPLE STALKS INTO THE POT WITH THE BIRD. SMALL DICE THE REMAINING CELERY AND SET IT ASIDE IN A LARGE MIXING BOWL.


BRING THE PARSLEY. WASH, DRY AND PICK THE THE LEAVES FROM THE STEMS. THROW A FEW OF THE STEMS INTO THE POT WITH THE CHICKEN. RESERVE THE REST FOR A FUTURE STOCK. ROUGHLY CHOP THE LEAVES AND ADD THEM TO THE BOWL WITH THE CELERY.


NEXT THE LEMON. WITH A MICROPLANE, ZEST THE ENTIRE OUTSIDE OF THE LEMON OVER THE CELERY AND PARSLEY. SET THE LEMON ASIDE. SAVE FOR SQUEEZING.


TAKE A MOMENT TO CHECK ON THE BIRD. HOW'S HER BATH? IS IT TOO HOT? IS SHE BOILING TO A DRY, AWFUL DEATH? IS IT TOO LOW? IS SHE GONNA GET SICK? IS HER WATER ALL SCUMMY? DO YOU NEED TO SKIM IT? REMEMBER TO HAVE AN EYE ON HER, EVEN WHEN YOUR BACK IS TO HER.

OKAY. BRING THE MAYO. ADD IT ALL TO THE CELERY AND THE WHAT NOT. GET EVERYTHING NICELY INCORPORATED. TASTE, SEASON, COVER AND SET IN THE FRIDGE.


IF YOUR CHICKEN ISN'T READY YET, IT WILL BE SHORTLY. WHEN IT IS. TURN OFF THE FLAME. MOVE THE POT AWAY TO A COOL BURNER AND ALLOW THE CHICKEN TO REST IN THE COOKING LIQUID. THIS STEP CAN NOT BE OVER EMPHASIZED. MEATS THAT ARE COOKED IN LIQUID, MUST BE ALLOWED TO REST IN THAT LIQUID, UNTIL THEY ARE COOL ENOUGH TO HANDLE. THIS STEP ENSURES THAT ALL OF THE FLAVORS AND NATURAL JUICES ARE ABSORBED BACK INTO THE FIBERS OF THE MEAT.

ONCE THE CHICKEN IS READY TO COME OUT OF THE LIQUID, SET IT OUT ON A PLATE AND ALLOW IT TO COOL COMPLETELY. WHILE THE CHICKEN IS COOLING, STRAIN THE COOKING LIQUID INTO A SMALLER STOCK POT AND REDUCE THIS INTO A FLAVORFUL CHICKEN STOCK. 


NOW, BRING THE BIRD. SKIN IT, AND PICK EVERY LAST TENDER MORSEL OF CHICKENY GOODNESS INTO THE BOWL WITH THE MAYONAISE JAMS. YOU CAN THROW THE PICKED BONES BACK IN WITH THE REDUCING STOCK.


GET EVERYTHING MIXED WELL AND SEASON TO TASTE. MAYBE A SQUEEZE OF LEMON.? MAYBE ANOTHER PINCH OF SALT.? MARIE AND I ENJOYED THIS WITH SLICED AVOCADO ON TOASTED BREAD AND DRANK ARNOLD PALMERS. A LITTLE SUMMER IN JANUARY. GOOD TIMES.

CHEERS.

-PETE

#015

A CASE OF THE MONDAYS:
THIS PAST MONDAY MARKED ANOTHER FUN-FILLED TRIP TO THE LOCAL WATERING HOLE FOR MY "MONDAY MORNING QUICK-FIRE MEDICINE CHALLENGE." SO FAR, I'VE PRESENTED MY FRIEND CHAD WITH PICKLED EGG BRINE, CHAMOMILE, CHICKEN STOCK AND MOST RECENTLY, A SANDWICH BAG WITH GINGER, GARLIC, BAY LEAF AND DRY ARBOL CHILE... THE RESULTS WERE A PLEASANT SURPRISE.

A SAVORY GAUNTLET:
1/5 CLOVE GARLIC, PEELED & SLICED
1/2" FRESH GINGER, PEELED & DICED
1 BAY LEAF, SEGMENTED 
1 ARBOL CHILE, DRY, SEGMENTED
SIMPLE SYRUP
HOT WATER
2 OZ. JURA 10 YR. SCOTCH


START WITH THE GARLIC. ONCE IT IS PEELED AND YOU HAVE A FEW SLICES OFF THE CLOVE, SKEWER THEM WITH A PARING KNIFE OR CAKE TESTER, WHATEVER YOU HAVE HANDY. NOW, FLAME ACTIVATE THE OILS IN THE GARLIC. BE CAREFUL NOT TO BURN THE SLICES. 


NOW THE GINGER. ONCE THE ROOT IS PEELED AND DICED, ADD IT AND THE GARLIC TO A PINT GLASS. MUDDLE THESE AND SET ASIDE.


MOVING ON, THE BAY AND ARBOL CHILE. BREAK THE BAY INTO SMALL SEGMENTS, SAME WITH THE CHILE. ADD THESE TO A TEA/COFFEE CUP. FILL THE CUP WITH HOT WATER, AS IF YOU WERE MAKING HOT TEA. COVER AND ALLOW THIS TO STEEP UNTIL FRAGRANT. ABOUT 5 MINUTES.


BRING THE BOOZE AND THE SIMPLE SYRUP. GATHER THE BAY-CHILE TEA AND THE MUDDLED GARLIC AND GINGER. ADD THE 2oz. JURA AND A SHOT OF SIMPLE SYRUP TO THE PINT GLASS. TOP THAT WITH THE TEA. GIVE EVERYTHING A GOOD STIR, STRAIN OFF THE GARLIC, BAY, ETC., AND GET TO SIPPIN'.

"OH DAMN. THAT'S GOOD!"
I WAS CERTAIN THE GARLIC HERE WOULD RUIN CLOSE TO ANY CHANCE CHAD HAD AT PULLING OFF A DECENT COCKTAIL, LET ALONE ONE I WOULD RECOMMEND OR TRY AGAIN. TO HIS CREDIT, HE PRODUCED A DAMN FINE DRINK.  


THE WARMTH OF THE GINGER, THE FAINT OIL OF THE FLAME ACTIVATED GARLIC, THE SAVORY BROTH CREATED WITH THE BAY AND CHILE...  NOT BAD, NOT BAD AT ALL.

CHEERS BRUV.
-PETE

#014

SHHHHHHHHH...
WITH THIS MORNING, CAME THE NEWS OF OUR FRIEND PAUL MC GEE'S EXIT FROM LOGAN SQUARE'S "THE WHISTLER." GIVEN THE GRAVITY OF THIS SITUATION, WE ARE HONORING PAUL'S DEPARTURE WITH A DAY OF SILENCE.

 AMEN.
-PETE

#013

"EXCUSE ME WAITER, THERE'S A BIRD ON MY BEER."
YOUR BOY PETE'S BEEN RACKING HIS BRAIN THIS MORNING. BLOGGING AIN'T EASY. AFTER A FEW PACES UP AND DOWN THE HALL AND A SHOT OF CABIN SWILL, IT CAME TO ME... THE BIRD GAME.


IT WASN'T THAT LONG AGO, THAT I WAS OUT IN OREGON, POSTING UP AT A POTLUCK IN SOUTHEAST PORTLAND ON A SUNDAY AFTERNOON. (GO FIGURE.) IT WAS HERE THAT I FIRST LEARNED OF THE SOUTHERN TRADITION KNOW AS "BEER-IN-THE-REAR."


I CAN'T PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR TEXAS OR MISSOURI OR ANYWHERE ELSE, AS FAR AS CREATIVE CREDIT IS CONCERNED. I CAN SAY, IT IS RARE WHEN YOU FIND A MORE SUCCULENT BIRD, OR GAME ANIMAL WITH A SKIN SO PERFECTLY CRISPED AS ONE PREPARED IN THIS WAY.

    "7th INNING STRETCH"


THE ABOVE MOUTHWATERING BEAUTY SPENT SOME TIME IN OUR KITCHEN A FEW WEEKS BACK. SHE WAS AN HONORED GUEST.


ALRIGHT, LET'S GET THIS ROAD ON THE SHOW...

BIRD GANG:

1 BIRD, OF GOOD ORIGIN & DESCENT
1 BEER, DEALER'S CHOICE
1 LEMON
1 SHALLOT
1 CLOVE GARLIC
A FEW SPRIGS OF ROSEMARY, PARSLEY & THYME
SALT & PEPPER
A BIT OF FLOUR, FOR GRAVY

I'M STUFFED:
GATHER ALL THE INGREDIENTS. CRACK THE BEER. HALF IS FOR YOU. HALF IS FOR THE BIRD. REMOVE THE ENTIRE TOP WITH A CAN OPENER. ROLL YOUR SLEEVES UP. LET'S GO.


START WITH THE BIRD. IF YOU HAVE A BIRD WITH OFFALS, YOU CAN SET THESE ASIDE FOR YOUR OWN PERSONAL PLEASURE, OR RINSE AND DROP THEM INTO THE BEER. I'LL EXPLAIN THE LATTER IN A MOMENT.


CUT THE LEMON IN HALF. RESERVE ONE HALF FOR SQUEEZERS. USE THE REMAINING HALF TO RUB THE ENTIRE SKIN AND CAVITY OF THE BIRD. NEXT, SEASON THE BIRD, INSIDE AND OUT.


AT THIS POINT, YOU'VE PROBABLY GIVEN YOUR CHICKEN A NAME. IF NOT, NOW'S AS GOOD A TIME AS ANY. YOU CAN ALSO SKIP ALL THIS NONSENSE AND COOK THE GODDAMN BIRD ALREADY.


SET (INSERT THE NAME OF YOUR CHICKEN HERE) ASIDE AND GO BACK TO THE BEER AND THE REST OF IT. MAKE A BUNDLE OF THE HERBS. TIE THEM UP WITH SOME KITCHEN TWINE AND DROP THEM IN THE CAN. PEEL AND ROUGHLY CHOP THE GARLIC AND SHALLOT. ADD THESE TO THE CAN AS WELL. IF YOU DECIDED TO USE THE OFFAL IN THIS RECIPE, TOSS THEM IN THE CAN NOW. (THE BEER, AROMATICS, ETC., COMBINED WITH THE CHICKEN'S NATURAL JUICES, WILL MAKE A FINE GRAVY TO FINISH WITH.


BRING BACK THE BIRD. SET THE OPEN BEER IN A GOOD SIZED PAN. BIRD ON THE CAN, PAN IN THE OVEN. (425 DEGREES. TURN OCCASIONALLY.) MAKE SURE YOU HAVE ENOUGH ROOM IN THE OVEN FOR THE BIRD TO BE FAR ENOUGH AWAY FROM THE WALLS TO AVOID BURNING, AND ENOUGH ROOM TO TURN IT WHILE ROASTING. 


WHEN THE COOKING IS FINISHED, YOU WILL BE LEFT WITH A SMALL BOUNTY OF DRIPPINGS. THESE SHOULD NEVER GO TO WASTE.

NOTE: SOME SOUTHERNERS FIND THAT THE BIRD LIKES TO "DANCE" WHEN IT GETS ON ON THE CAN. WATCH OUT FOR THIS. IT'S EASY TO END UP WITH A COUNTERTOP FULL OF BEER AND CHICKEN JUICE.


FINISHING MOVES:
ONCE THE BIRD IS DONE DOING ITS THING, REMOVE IT FROM THE OVEN. WHEN SHE'S COOL ENOUGH TO HANDLE, SET HER ON A CUTTING BLOCK. NOW THE GRAVY.


BRING THE ROASTING PAN. SET IT ON A BURNER. NOW THE BEER CAN. BE  CAREFUL. IT MAY STILL BE HOT. STRAIN THE REMAINING "LIQUOR" THROUGH A FINE STRAINER, SET ASIDE.


CLEAR THE PAN OF ALL BUT A FEW TABLESPOONS OF FAT. OVER GENTLE HEAT, SLOWLY WHISK IN SOME FLOUR. WHEN A ROUX BEGINS TO FORM, BROWN IT TO YOUR LIKING. NOW, BRING THE CHICKEN LIQUOR. WHISK THIS AND THE ROUX INTO GRAVY. 


MAKING THINGS LIKE GRAVY OR POLENTA IS A DYNAMIC PROCESS. RECIPES ARE GOOD STARTING POINTS, BUT IT IS IMPORTANT TO TRUST YOURSELF IN THE KITCHEN TO KNOW WHEN SOMETHING IS TOO WET OR DRY.  WHEN SOMETHING NEEDS SALT OR A SHOT OF LEMON. IF YOU ARE MAKING GRAVY FOR (YOUR BIRD'S NAME HERE) AND IT'S LOOKING A LITTLE DRY, ADD SOME BEER, OR MORE STOCK. GABISH.? 


I LIKE TO HAVE THIS DISH WITH CRUMBLED POTATOES AND WILTED GREENS. ZESTING A LITTLE LEMON OVER THE PLATE BEFORE SERVING DOESN'T HURT EITHER. YOU COULD EVEN TEAR SOME SOFT HERBS OVER ALL OF IT. WHY NOT.?

BGAAAAAAWWWK!
-PETE